Now, I know there are a couple other egg freezing blogs out there where the women get 30+ eggs. But the reality is that, at least according to their website, NYU's average is 14 (note: I was not a patient of NYU). My doctor set my expectations at 8-10. And they say it takes 15-20 for a good chance at having a real, live, unfrozen baby.
I am quite happy with my 18 little bundles of hope. What does 18 mean to me? It means that I don't have to go through a second cycle. It means that I accomplished what I set out to do. This doesn't guarantee that I will ever have a biological child, but I feel that I've done what I could to give myself (and future husband???) a fighting chance.
Showing posts with label single mother by choice. Show all posts
Showing posts with label single mother by choice. Show all posts
Wednesday, June 29, 2011
Monday, June 27, 2011
Extraction Day!!! (Sunday, June 26, 2011)
Physical: Feeling swollen this morning, which is good. If I felt completely normal, I would worry that there weren't potentially 20 little eggs waiting to be extracted. I am a bit hungry, having had nothing to eat since last night. But my procedure is early this morning, so it won't be long until I can eat.
Emotional: I am a bit trepidatious. Will it hurt? Amazingly, I never got extremely emotional or crazy from the hormone shots. I know that each woman reacts differently, so I believe that I have been lucky.
This is especially important to me because, unlike those married women undergoing IVF (which the fertility clinic is teaming with), I don't have a husband. What I do have is a new boyfriend who has been incredibly supportive. Throughout the process, I have feared that I would have some sort of emotional upheaval that would send him running for the hills. But, alas, we have survived and he has been an absolute savior, including getting up at an ungodly hour this morning to make sure I made it to surgery on time.
The funny part was when the nurse asked him for his sperm sample! I had to immediately intercede that we are not making embryos today! Please don't fertilize these eggs!!! That could've been the straw that sent him running, but instead he joked about it and offered (privately, to me) to go hang out in the semen sample production room, especially if they had good magazines/movies!
The Procedure
So, after being hooked up to an IV, they walk me into the Operating Room and sit me on the table. I position myself as instructed and answer the nurses questions about my identity.
...
Next thing I know, I'm waking up to the sound of my perfect new boyfriend's voice! I'm in the recovery room and can't believe that the procedure has been completed. No pain, no discomfort. I waddle to the car and, with a quick stop at the pharmacy and grocery, head home to convalesce.
Emotional: I am a bit trepidatious. Will it hurt? Amazingly, I never got extremely emotional or crazy from the hormone shots. I know that each woman reacts differently, so I believe that I have been lucky.
This is especially important to me because, unlike those married women undergoing IVF (which the fertility clinic is teaming with), I don't have a husband. What I do have is a new boyfriend who has been incredibly supportive. Throughout the process, I have feared that I would have some sort of emotional upheaval that would send him running for the hills. But, alas, we have survived and he has been an absolute savior, including getting up at an ungodly hour this morning to make sure I made it to surgery on time.
The funny part was when the nurse asked him for his sperm sample! I had to immediately intercede that we are not making embryos today! Please don't fertilize these eggs!!! That could've been the straw that sent him running, but instead he joked about it and offered (privately, to me) to go hang out in the semen sample production room, especially if they had good magazines/movies!
The Procedure
So, after being hooked up to an IV, they walk me into the Operating Room and sit me on the table. I position myself as instructed and answer the nurses questions about my identity.
...
Next thing I know, I'm waking up to the sound of my perfect new boyfriend's voice! I'm in the recovery room and can't believe that the procedure has been completed. No pain, no discomfort. I waddle to the car and, with a quick stop at the pharmacy and grocery, head home to convalesce.
Injections: Day 9 (Friday, June 24, 2001)
Physical: The title of this post is misleading, because after my morning injection of Ganirelix, there were no further injections. The doctor decided that my follicles are mature enough to trigger tonight! (Today's Test Results: 20 follicles visible, 16 are big, 4 are dinky, estrogen 2672) That estrogen sounds ridiculous, if you ask me!
Emotional: Amazingly, considering the level of my estrogen, I'm still as sane as I ever was. I'm very grateful for this.
I'm afraid of the trigger shot. There are no two ways about it, the needle is long and I'm a chicken! I brought my shooter to the doctor with me this morning in order to give him a crash course in administering the trigger shot. The nurse insisted it doesn't hurt, but I don't believe her.
Evening update: The trigger shot really didn't hurt!!! I am very sensitive to needles. When they take my blood at the doctor, I can't stand it. But amazingly, the 1.5 inch needle in my butt, into the muscle, was barely noticeable. I kept asking if he was sure it was in (probably not a question men like to hear in any other circumstances ;). But, GOOD NEWS LADIES, it was in and it was completely painless!
Emotional: Amazingly, considering the level of my estrogen, I'm still as sane as I ever was. I'm very grateful for this.
I'm afraid of the trigger shot. There are no two ways about it, the needle is long and I'm a chicken! I brought my shooter to the doctor with me this morning in order to give him a crash course in administering the trigger shot. The nurse insisted it doesn't hurt, but I don't believe her.
Evening update: The trigger shot really didn't hurt!!! I am very sensitive to needles. When they take my blood at the doctor, I can't stand it. But amazingly, the 1.5 inch needle in my butt, into the muscle, was barely noticeable. I kept asking if he was sure it was in (probably not a question men like to hear in any other circumstances ;). But, GOOD NEWS LADIES, it was in and it was completely painless!
Thursday, June 16, 2011
Who? What? Why?
I guess I should back up the truck and tell you what this is all about.
So, I was in my late 20's and madly in love. I thought I would marry this man. We planned to have a family, down to every detail: names, nanny or not, public or private schools, what age to start skiing lessons, etc. Until the day that he left me...and then the day, a couple years later, when he felt the need to call me, out of the blue, to tell me that he had become a father. I'm SOOOOOOOOO happy for you! The mother? That would be the woman he left me for. Fantastic!
But I refused to be bitter or distrustful. I embraced relationships, remained open to love. Since then, I have had partial connections, relationships that were okay, but weren't really love. I've probably tried too hard to make these work. I have really wanted a life partner. In the meantime, I've somehow aged; I'm now 36.
Adoption Option?
One thing I've always known is that I want to have children. For a while, I consoled myself with the thought that even if I was too old to have my own kids when I was ready, I was happy adopting. Somewhere along the way, however, that started to seem like it was not enough. I want to carry a child. I want to be preggers, have a bun in the oven, get knocked up, pop one out...
Interestingly, I still would like to adopt, but in addition to carrying my genetic child. I have plenty of love to go around!
Single Mother by Choice?
After years of uninspiring relationships and biology's wake up call knocking at my psyche, I seriously considered just having a child on my own. I researched women who have done this, discussed it with family and friends, poured over sperm donor registries, and had a heart-to-heart with a male friend.
In an act of amazing kindness and generosity, that friend offered to become my "baby daddy". I traveled very far down this path, seriously planning to take him up on the offer. I suggested we have a "pre-baby", a contract like a pre-nup, but for our unusual situation. In another amazing move, he trusted me enough to not desire such a contract, to instead leave himself exposed to me financially.
We were all set, but then I realized that I can't, at least not now. I really want to do this, child rearing, with a partner. And I could never call myself a "Single Mother by Choice". Mother by choice, yes, but I can't see myself choosing to be single.
Choice
So, this left me with a few possibilities:
When I was 28, there was a 37 year old woman with whom I worked. She was beautiful and much younger looking. She talked about wanting to have children, but couldn't find the man to do it with. I just kept thinking that she should just go and have a child on her own, she was running out of time, it was now or never.
So, I was in my late 20's and madly in love. I thought I would marry this man. We planned to have a family, down to every detail: names, nanny or not, public or private schools, what age to start skiing lessons, etc. Until the day that he left me...and then the day, a couple years later, when he felt the need to call me, out of the blue, to tell me that he had become a father. I'm SOOOOOOOOO happy for you! The mother? That would be the woman he left me for. Fantastic!
But I refused to be bitter or distrustful. I embraced relationships, remained open to love. Since then, I have had partial connections, relationships that were okay, but weren't really love. I've probably tried too hard to make these work. I have really wanted a life partner. In the meantime, I've somehow aged; I'm now 36.
Adoption Option?
One thing I've always known is that I want to have children. For a while, I consoled myself with the thought that even if I was too old to have my own kids when I was ready, I was happy adopting. Somewhere along the way, however, that started to seem like it was not enough. I want to carry a child. I want to be preggers, have a bun in the oven, get knocked up, pop one out...
Interestingly, I still would like to adopt, but in addition to carrying my genetic child. I have plenty of love to go around!
Single Mother by Choice?
After years of uninspiring relationships and biology's wake up call knocking at my psyche, I seriously considered just having a child on my own. I researched women who have done this, discussed it with family and friends, poured over sperm donor registries, and had a heart-to-heart with a male friend.
In an act of amazing kindness and generosity, that friend offered to become my "baby daddy". I traveled very far down this path, seriously planning to take him up on the offer. I suggested we have a "pre-baby", a contract like a pre-nup, but for our unusual situation. In another amazing move, he trusted me enough to not desire such a contract, to instead leave himself exposed to me financially.
We were all set, but then I realized that I can't, at least not now. I really want to do this, child rearing, with a partner. And I could never call myself a "Single Mother by Choice". Mother by choice, yes, but I can't see myself choosing to be single.
Choice
So, this left me with a few possibilities:
- Keep doing the same thing I'd been doing: hope the next relationship is the one, try too hard to fit a square peg into a round hole, panic a little and, occasionally, feel like a loser for still being single
- Or, try to "preserve my fertility" by freezing my unfertilized eggs
When I was 28, there was a 37 year old woman with whom I worked. She was beautiful and much younger looking. She talked about wanting to have children, but couldn't find the man to do it with. I just kept thinking that she should just go and have a child on her own, she was running out of time, it was now or never.
Now, here I am, basically in the same place she was, but I have another option, one that didn't exist years ago. I can purchase an insurance policy, take the edge off, and try to build an alternative future for myself.
If you read the first post, you may have noticed that I have recently met a great guy. It's still very early, but he is just the bee's knees. I told him about what I'm doing and, so far, he's been very warm and supportive. Now, let's see how well he hangs on as the hormones that I started injecting tonight start to kick in!!!
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